Emily Post - Shmemily Post

I like to think of myself as a civilized fellow. I make eye contact, have a hearty handshake, say please, say thank you, strive to keep my elbows off the dinner table... that sorta stuff. But this lady, and her influence on innocent women - like my poor wife - make me want to revert back to barbarianism. Say hello to "Miss Manners" herself - Emily Post:

Emily Post lived a million years ago. She was born into affluence which apparently gave her the notion and ambition to dedicate her life to being annoying about etiquette. At some point in MIZZ Post's life (Her husband left. Take a wild guess why) she basically crowned herself the world's leading authority in what is and what is not frikkin PROPER!

In One Trillion Million B.C. she even created the "Emily Post Institute" intended to draw other people (mostly WOMEN who nag their husbands about not blowing snot rockets at the dinner table) into the fold of etiquette snobbery. Within the walls of this sanction they came up with a gaggle of other ideas and concepts for other modern uptight socialites to live by. Like this:

A proper place setting? PROPER? says who? YOU!? HA! Gimmie a wooden bowl, a cork on a fork, a Stein of Grog and sit me at the kiddie table, thank you. We'll bark Clutch songs in unison, toast to our barbarianism, and start a totally awesome food fight while you folks, with raised pinky fingers, sip your dainty little tea cups and discuss fancy ornamental bureau's and dog breeding or whatever.

Then Emily Post died. Her followers took it upon themselves to continue her legacy. Part of the curriculum is learning how best to badger and nag people who don't walk on egg shells wishing to be proper during every passing second of every passing day. Modern-day outlets of high-brow education and naggery include podcasts, seminars, college classes, the central hub of a universe full of hassle and frustration: Emilypost.com, and a newly-completed biography on the evil one herself:

Oh good, a paper weight for all the research I'm doing on the Crusades - something way awesomer than salad forks and doilies...

HELLS YEAH!!!!!!