Twitter is dumb

So, it was Thursday night, 9PM, top of the hour. I’m plopped down on the couch indulging in some good ‘ol fashioned channel surfing. Seeing as how we have the uber-basic cable plan my options are extremely limited, but nonetheless…

*click* I come to channel 8…

There’s a young lady sitting in the window seat of a city bus. She looks somewhat fidgety and distressed. Oh dear, what ever could be the problem? It becomes quickly apparent that something is terribly amiss with this character. She tugs away at her scarf like it’s a boa robbing her of breath. Regardless, her breathing then becomes rapid and shallow. Panic attack, perhaps? Her face blushes a deep, painful hue. Heart attack, perhaps? She leans against the window in growing despair. Condensation begins to form around her head. She glances feverishly to newspaper sitting in the seat in front her, which looks to be slowly catching fire! What the?? The lady starts totally freaking out and forces her way off the bus. She darts out in front of the bus, shrieking and flailing, and crosses the street with no awareness of her surroundings. Pedestrians are caught in the same state of alarm that I share: What is wrong with this chick?! Acid Flashback? Wicked cramps? Appendicitis? WHAT!?! Then what happens? Right there, broad daylight in the middle of a busy metropolitan area this young lady frikkin SPONTANIOUSLY COMBUSTS!!!!! BOOM!!

*cue: FRINGE opening credits*

Okey dokey! So, THIS is Fringe. I’ve heard good things. Many good things. Well, the opening scene has sure as you-know-what earned my attention! I shall continue watching…

Doopty doo watching Fringe doopty doopty doo… I know this actor, I’ve seen him is something else – I wanna say Into The Wild but I know that’s not right. And this older guy, he looks really familiar too. Anyways. Doopty doo watching Fringe… Ok, clearly I’m watching a story that is well into itself. Is this season one or two? Or three? How long has this show been on the air? Dylan would know, probably. Well, hey, this seems pretty cool so far. I’m diggin’ it….

Wait, what the…

WTF is this? “Twitter chat”? Huh? This…This is annoying. Get this crap outta here. Ok, these little chat bubbles are taking up half the screen. Are these, like, the producers or something? Is all this behind-the-scenes information really necessary RIGHT NOW; y’know WHILE the show is broadcasting? I can’t… I can’t see what’s happening. Wait! What was that? Something happened on the show! Was it important? What was it? I couldn’t tell because the people in these little twitter tweeter bubbles are talking about BooBerry cereal! Why won’t this stop? Shut up, all of you! How much more distracting could this possibly be? Whichever FOX executive approved of this idea should be shot in the foot. This is not POPUP VIDEO! If I cared so deeply about the production of the show I’d visit the website or something! Wow! This is dumb. My attention is quickly fleeting. What an unfortunate turn of events! Three minutes ago I was all hyped up to see what this show was about. But now...

No, I’m done. I think This Old House is on PBS right now.

*click*