Yes, we've already established that you love chocolate pudd'n. Come on, let's get you cleaned up and get there early enough to beat all the other hillbillies. No, no, I wasn't calling you a hillbilly, relax.
Dude, the zoo! Awesome! High five!
No, bud, these ropes are here so that those skinny, deathly-looking Siberian tigers don't come over and maul you. Listen to grandma, she sees this stuff in the ER all the time. Ask her about the potato story - oh, baby, it's a good one.
Hey, the Northern Trek is too frikkin far away. Can I catch a ride on the golfcart with you? Cool, thanks. You the man.
Whoa, sweet! Dinosaurs, Mitchell! Pretty cool, huh? What do you think?
Okey Dokey! Ex nay on the inosaursday! Sorry, bud. What'll make you feel better?
This is Rick Steves. He is a travel writer and host for his own PBS Television show called "Rick Steves' Europe." I love/hate him.
I love him because his shows are totally awesome. He travels to interesting foreign lands to interact with it's peoples and learn of and participate in their cultures, all the while he's carrying around his supersweet knapsack on one (1) shoulder. Armed with a notepad and a charming personality he interviews the locals and takes copious notes. He then takes these copious notes and writes and narrates each episode. They're informative and a pleasure to watch. The production crew that accompanies him on these journeys do a fantastic job capturing the essence and vibe of each of the places they visit.
He has his own series of travel gear. His books are practically tomes crammed with the rest of the 95% of his gathered information that didn't make it into that location's TV feature. He has audio travel guides. His website is an entity all to itself. All in all Rick Steves has the best career, ever.
I hate Rick Steves because: HE STOLE MY CAREER! I should be the one with a camera crew following me around Europe. EUROPE! I WANNA GO TO EUROPE! I should be the one writing witty narrative from copiously taken notes. I should be the one carrying a supersweet knapsack on one (1) shoulder as I climb the stairs of the Parthenon. I should be the one visiting old libraries, castles and theaters. I should be the one whom PBS pays to submerge myself in all the history and cultures Europe has. Geekfag! And look at the title of his show! Rick Steves' Europe. What, you think you're so hot that you own Europe? Is it really YOURS? Wow, way to be totally inflated, Rick.
But... you really are a charming person, Rick! For real. I love the way you encourage people to embrace each others' differences. Your open-mindedness is an inspiration. And it always makes me grin with delight when you sign off each episode with, "I'm Rick Steves. Keep on Travellin!" You take memorable photo's of the places you've been:
Tee hee. Here you are on a bike in Amsterdam.
lol. Cows, Rick? You're so silly.
Oh, Rick. You're the best!
I envy you! I really do. Here's the best picture I could come up with:
Here's me looking around for the crapper at the Home Town Buffet in Columbus, Ohio
I love watching and listening to all of Rick Steves' chronicles. He truly takes you along for the ride to choice locals. But, I burn with jealousy and irkitude when I see how he has totally usurped my lifestyle.
Following is a comprehensive outline as to why I am the greatest driver in the world.
I KNOW HOW TO MERGE * There's a strong chance that you don't. Here, let me explain it to you: The act of merging does not rest solely upon the vehicle entering the highway, it also involves the car that's in the outside lane. Two scenarios come to mind. If traffic is relatively light and you are the one entering the highway, gauge how the flow of traffic is moving and accelerate accordingly. DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT BREAK!!! This is how accidents happen, you weirdo. On the other hand, if you are the car that is foolishly cruising along in the outside lane and see another car on the on-ramp then CHANGE LANES!!! MOVE OVER! In fact, just don't ever drive because chances are you drive too slowly to be on any major highway anyways - Ride the bus, granny.
The second scenario is when traffic is heavy, like, say, how it is 24-hours a day on the inner-belt bridge downtown. Considerately changing lanes is far more difficult. This doesn't mean that you're off the hook. Both parties, the on-coming car (car A) and the car that's already in the traffic flow(Car B) must be mindful of each other and help out. The merging formation should resemble the motion like unto a zipper. Car B should ease off the gas (DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT BREAK!) to allow one (1) car to merge in front. Car A should accelerate to match the speed of the flow of traffic.. So on and so forth.
See? That ain't so bad is it? If only people knew how to do this, it wouldn't take me 34423524098fuads98cfy9gh(A&GFd3894789q324 hours to get home.
I NEVER USE CRUISE CONTROL * Naw, naw - I am the one in control. Going without crusie control keeps me focused so that I can continue to be an amazing driver. It encourages coasting which is fuel-efficient. It's also easier to decelerate when my 6th sense informs me of a possible law-enforcement speed trap. Another good practice is to keep a keen eye forward to see break lights from cars up ahead. If there is a sudden light show chances are there's a cop, giving you just enough time to slow down and allowing one of those poor chumps to play patsy and take the fall for you.
I REFRAIN FROM TEXTING TALKING ON MY CELLPHONE * I figured that I go ahead and just state the obvious. Like using cruise control, yapping it up with your peeps slowly wains your attention from the road - with or without a headset. Likewise, my brain ties itself into knots when I see people texting while driving. Amazing. It's cute that there is legislation being passed that prohibits texting while driving. How exactly that will be enforced... I dunno. But it's a good attempt at keeping people from being dumb. But in the end, idiocy always wins - but this is not the post for such matters, we need to get back to the topic at hand.
I USE MY TURN SIGNAL * Look, folks, seriously... Do we really need to go through driver's ED again? Use some common sense and have some courtesy. There, with that said, let's continue:
I'M NOT FEMALE *
MY CAR IS COVERED WITH BIRD EXCREMENT * It's like our winged friends fly above to observe my superior driving skills and reward me with special air-dropped badges of honor. Remember, the white part is their pee.
I NEVER HAVE TO PAY FOR GAS * I quote Hunter Thompson: "On some nights I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio." Taking this into account, we arrive to the conclusion that since I listen to awesome music all the time there is no need for petrol, ever.
I STILL HAVE A LICENSE * I've gotten off with more warnings than I have actual citations. Deductive reasoning dictates that the law is in my pocket, no matter how severe the offense. It's like the law-enforcement official saw me and was all like, "Oh, Mr. Jones I'm so sorry to have wasted your time. Please forgive my ignorance, bushy mustache and stick-up-the-butt gait. Here's my mace, go spray that puppy dog in the face." Those law-enforcement officials that have issued me a ticket... well, their feet have since fallen off. Bad ju-ju! Don't mess, I'm the greatest driver in the world.
I'M HUMBLE ABOUT IT* Sit, children. I'm going to tell you a story. It takes place one sultry July morning three years ago. I was awesomely driving down the west-bound side of the valleyview bridge. Thoughts drifted through my mind. Musings like: "Wow, my family is so fortunate that I'm the greatest driver in the world; my fellow commuters are better drivers just by being around me; my car is so lucky to be my car; I should start a foundation called..."
BAM!!!
In a sub-conscious act of humility I rear-ended the car in front of me who unexpectedly hit his breaks. In fact, I hit this poor Joe so hard that my humility continued forward to the car in front of him. It was awesome. I'm so humble. Ambulances. Fire Trucks. Highway Patrol. Traffic Helicopters. Most of the damage was done to my car. Most of the physical damage was done to myself. Fancy trip in an ambulance. And I probably made 10,000 people late to work that morning -You're welcome. You were all so fortunate to share the same bridge me. And despite all the excitement, news coverage and inflated insurance premiums I never got cited for it. The law is in my pocket. I am the greatest driver in the world.
This blog's URL of "Threeyearstoolate" is actually quite literal. These past couple of months has revealed my ignorance to what the internet is capable of and what people are doing with it; rather, HAVE BEEN doing with it. I know that people have been blogging and whatnot, but never really entertained the idea of starting my own - Mainly because I thought blogs are incredibly vain and presumptuous. I still think they are and I suppose I have now joined the ranks of self-indulgent bloggers, only I am about three years too late doing so. Meh. Whatever. Some of your blogs are actually interesting and entertaining. Others, I read your chronicles of daily life, bellyaching and lame insights and can't help but think "who frikkin' asked?"
So, what else have my fellow audio cohorts introduced to me you may ask? First and foremost:
Holy crap, where have I been? Dude, you can create your own radio stations! These stations will make random song selections based on the musical attributes you find most favorable. Oh baby, I've got me a Trip Hop station, Grunge/Stoner/Doom station, 60's psychedelic/garage station, and a special station what was made for me by Dave entitled quote freaky electronic s*#t end quote. All of which have been fine-tuned to my liking. And when the mood calls for it I will click the Quick Mix option and Pandora will shuffle all my stations giving me a cacophony of good tunes. Because that's what I do: Listen to good music.
But suppose I have a specific song in my head. Do I wait for Pandora to hopefully get around to it? NAY! The other Dave told me about grooveshark.com.
Just the other day I had an itching for some Atomic Rooster. BAM! Grooveshark. Afterwards The monstrous riff of 666lb. Bongsession came to mind. BAM! GROOVESHARK! Hey, I haven't heard Mysitck Krewe of Clearlight in a while. BAM! Grooveshark! Then I tried to share a Pantera song with Chrismack... BAM. Grooveshark. And so on, and so forth. You don't have to sign up! Just point, click, search, ROCK.
So, this is why threeyearstoolate is a rather appropriate URL for this blog. That's why everything mentioned above is old news to you, right? I know, I know: Who frikkin asked?
- On other fronts -
I also work with a bunch of YouTube-aholics. I've been shown more youtube movies these past three weeks than I have ever seen. EVAR!!! Here's two of my recent favorites.
The following video is so low-brow, I love it. This type of video confirms my theory that we all have what I call the "Beavis & Butthead" nerve: No matter how refined you may think you are, no matter how classy, there will always be that moment when the ketchup bottle makes that wet farting sound and a chortle of amusement involuntarily comes blurting out your nose. Just you wait. Sit through the entire video - the good stuff happens during the second half:
A better part of my summer's activities will be working with the staff of Tri-C's Recording Arts program. We are in the process of preparing/decommissioning the studios and taking inventory so that we can move everything (along with the gobs of new gear that we're getting) into the Metro campus's new Center for Creative Arts building. The recording program - along with the other creative and performing arts programs - will be sharing two thirds of the building while the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame will have an archive/library in the remaining space. I don't have the slightest idea of how ANY of this is being funded but, holy crippity crap, there ain't gonna be anything like this building once it's finished. It is planned to begin classes there this fall.
So, yeah. Generally speaking RA&T will be occupying a large portion of the first and third floors. The main tracking and control rooms will be on the first floor. Most of the student hands-on labs will be in the lab rooms on the third floor. There will be much stair climbing. Much.
As a troop we are chugging along trying to make this transition as hassle-free as possible.
Anyways... pictures:
Decommissioning Studio C
Refurbishing the patchbay on the Trident
The Trident up on casters, outboard gear disconnected: all of Studio "A" gut out and ready to roll. This stuff is getting hucked up to the new third floor control room.
Soldering patchpoint cables to new D-sub 25-pin connectors. The insulation wrapped around Kevin's big fat head is to keep the aliens from reading his brain waves a la Signs. Yep... That's Kevin for you.
On to the new building. This is a shot of the brand new first floor tracking room. Nifty variable acoustic treatments on the walls.
Holy wall-of-overpriced-computers, Batman!!
Chrismack's "I AM HANDSOME, DAMMIT!" face.
One of the new DigiDesign C24 control surfaces. Wall of over-priced computers not included.
Throwin' the horns for whomever has to sort out this mess.
It is also worth mentioning that the following two videos have been replayed enough that it's gotten to the point where not five minutes go by without someone, somewhere in the department yells out a line.
