Weapon Of Choice

Friends,

At first glance, the assumption is that this blog post is about a pen. Yessir, we’re gonna talk about a pen. But, then again, first glances can be deceiving because this is not just a pen; it is a marvel of engineering, a benchmark of human achievement, an empowering tool of empowerment - Indeed, it is a way of life!

HARK!

The Pilot Precise V7 RT

So, what’s so frikkin special about this… pen? Let’s take a closer look. You may see things that are beyond your understanding, and that’s ok. We’re gonna start at the top and work our way down. Before we even pick it up – as hard as it may be to restrain oneself given its sleek and sexy body – it is necessary to understand the context in which this pen has been given its moniker. “Pilot” is not only the company’s name but its ultimate paradigm, way of thinking, and approach to making superior and totally awesome inscription facilitators. A writing utensil should fill its operator with loyalty, assurance and self-confidence. What makes a pen exceptional is equal parts performance and psychology. Yes. Pilot lets you be the PILOT.

“Precise” signifies that this product was meticulously designed by specialists and not intended for some amateur hob knob to doodle cocknballs on his buddy’s signal processing study guide. NO! This pen is for respectable hob knobs. “V7” is the government’s super secret chemical compound that makes this fast drying ink such a treasure. It would mean certain death… or rather, a convenient fatal accident if I were to divulge anymore information. “RT” is an acronym for the Latin phrase “Reductofidelus Tabulainforudious.” Pilot so cleverly included this in the product’s name because it stands for “Nary a Brainfart to Be Had.” Tee hee. That’s so fun.

Ok, now go ahead and pick it up. Notice how it has almost no weight? That’s because the V7 RT is constructed with the very same exotic alloys that the Predator aliens use to build those mini-croissant-looking projectile thingies; like in Predator 2 when he shot that wicked voodoo henchman in the face – oh man, that part was awesome.

You’ll also notice that the V7 RT has no pen cap. This archaic approach to avoid accidental pen markings has been done away with. Instead, you’ve got a futuristic spring loaded clicker function. This satisfying and empowering mechanism locks into place to ensure that there are no unintentional retractions. What ingenuity! The V7 RT also has a super-welded buckycarbon clip for your convenience; just in case you want to clip the pen to your shirt collar or pocket or lanyard. That’s so thoughtful of Pilot, yes? Likewise, the rubber grip at the base of the pen was developed by NASA. It uses the same gripping material that astronauts use to secure on their spaceman diapers for those long spacewalks. It’s a complex neon polymer that increases the overall comfort of operation. It gives confidence that, while you’re excitedly scribbling down lyrics of injustice and staying true to your peeps the pen won’t fly out of your hand and accidentally dart into a white guy’s eyeball. Yay, everybody wins! As a bonus feature, Pilot built in what they call “Traction Pockets” into the rubber grip. This is where they hide the heroin.

And now we come to the bread and butter of the Pilot Precise V7 RT: The tip and ink. Pilot offers differing tip sizes to accommodate your scribbling style. My preference is the FINE tip. I roll with a fine tip because it is small enough to compliment my cramped and cluttered handwriting, but broad enough that if I need to sketch a big, hearty [FU] over some jerk’s powerpoint printout I can do so with grace and style. Lastly, we must examine what makes the V7 ink such a joy. As a lefty, quick drying ink is essential – ESSENTIAL! There’s nothing more discouraging than having my pristine inspirational thoughts and social innovations get all smudged up because the ink I’m using is made from recycled engine oil or some crap. It makes me second guess myself – and we can’t have that, can we? V7 is also impervious to changes in air pressure, which makes it airplane safe. This works perfectly because now me and Rick Steves can confidently compare and make revisions to our notes during the trip home from the Greek isles. We’ll laugh, share memorable moments… then when he least suspects it, and with terrifying swiftness and force, I will stab him in the chest with my Pilot Precise V7 RT because I frikkin love/hate Rick Steves…

Yessir. The Pilot Precise V7 RT is not just a pen; it is a motivator, an enabler. It is my weapon of choice. It is my co-pilot. It is on my team. Thomas Jefferson wrote tens of thousands of letters in his lifetime. He raised his own flock of geese in order to ensure that he had an ample supply of writing quills. Do yourself a favor and raise your own flock of Pilot Precise V7 RTs. Before you know it you’ll be drafting the next social revolution and stabbing your competition in the chest.

Love,
- Doctor Jones

P.S.
Just because...