The unifying force of The Universe

Modern-day scientists have been tripping themselves up trying to figure out the deeper mysteries of what's keeping The Universe together and just how reality - as we know and perceive "it" - is enmeshed with it all.

On the macrocosmic scale it is widely agreed that gravity is dominant force. Gravity and spacetime work hand-in-hand as they carryout the theater of the cosmos. There are several rogue scientist who dispute this and have their own little pet-theories about how the universe is leaking gravity or how radio transmitions from remnants of the big bang aren't telling us what they want us to or how blackholes are just fantastical concoctions of humanoid imagination. Generally, we have a basic understanding, albeit fascinating, but still don't really have a clue.

And then there's the quantum level - the very, very, very small. Oh, man; talk about not having a clue! This is still a new field of study that is just advancing beyond the stage of ideas and crazy, googly-eyed theories. Scientists now know enough about the microcosmic that it is widely agreed and accepted that the macrocosmic vista of the cosmos function on completely different set of natural laws - of which are mutually exclusive.

*gasp* Where's the solidarity? Where's the unification?

And what about us? Humans and our history? There is a natural tendency towards discord. We can see all throughout history and across cultures and civilizations that we're missing something. Some "thing" that can bind us all together in peace and harmony. Some "thing" that can unify and bring together all the levels of existence.

So, I did some homework. And after much reasearched, pondering and soulsearching I found it! I FOUND IT! The unifying force of The Universe is: Utz Pub Mix.

BEHOLD!

I mean, it was so obvious! Within the generous cylindrical container Utz Pub Mix contains all the necessary ingredients for a mass Utopian society! It's been here all along! The evidence is everywhere! Here, the proof is in the pudding:


Is Gravity really the shared force between these two galaxies, or is it the scrumptious Rye chips that are aplenty within each container of Utz Pub Mix?


And look at this! When observed through a powerful microscope we can clearly see that Utz Pub Mix is the binding force of even those most basic - and essential, mind you - of elements.

Ok, our natural surroundings, both big and small, have been accounted for. Our observations yield definite empirical evidence that Utz Pub Mix is on our side! Now, let us turn our attention inwards; let us examine our own history. With the benefit of hindsight it seems so silly that we are always mired in conflict when the answer to a peaceful existence has always been right in front of us! I mean, look:


Look at this Classical Roman mosaic. If this gladiator would've just looked down he would've seen a container of Utz Pub Mix - and all the crunchy, delicious rye chips, cheddar chips, pretzel rods - he would've shared them with his fellow combatants and all would've been well.


Utz Pub Mix is a requirement for Shamanistic rituals. If the early American cowboys and Calvary would've just stopped for one frikkin second, got off their horses and hung out with these dudes everything would be totally copacetic.


Oh look, this friendly bull wants to share his heaping helping of honey roasted sesame chips and oriental rice crackers with is friend. If this bullfighter wasn't such a pompus jerk he could've clearly seen the peace offering. This explains the escalating number of goredings, doesn't it.


Yeah, dude, these chicks get it! Party On!

I'm convinced! Now if someone could please .pdf me the application for the Nobel Peace Prize I'd be much obliged.