Fictional Characters I'd Hang Out With

MINION - A creation from the mind of ManCalledSun

Minion’s purpose is to destroy the weak. This is why I created it. To begin, Minion has six quadrapedal legstocks, each with variable suction hoofs. Achieving fearsome speeds with these, and myself on a Segway, we charge side by side through hordes of sissynecks, nancys, and emo fanboys. Minion can either use the raw power of his hydropiston arms to knock flailing weaklings into orbit or he can simply flex his bronze-plated alloy pectorals (as seen in the picture) and ram boobiehead pancakes into brick walls or spikes or brick walls full of spikes. I have lasers: PEW PEW PEW. Minion’s beltpack is armed with unlimited grenades, dirtybombs and anti-matter pin heads. When we need a quick recharge, my man purse is stocked with burritos and High on Fire CDs and the first season of Prison Break on DVD. Minion has razor blades coming out of his skull because a simple headbutt just isn’t enough; that, and I think it’s cool to have razorblades growing out of your skull. My white Styrofoam Segway helmet has, like, uber-reflective stickers that confuse and disorient the enemy. This is when I come up and swat them right on the adam's apple with a wiffleball bat: THWAP! NO MORE LAME SOCIAL COMMENTARY FROM YOU!

We will cleanse existence of guyliner and obnoxiously large neon sunglasses. It is our duty.